Sunday, December 14, 2008

Au Revoir

Sometimes I think the reason I don't post here any more is because I'm recovering. Sometimes I can't bear to examine anything. I'd rather just let things go, let one day do its work and get it over with.

Some days, like the last three weeks, I think I should see a shrink. Or acknowledge that I have never, not even during my divorce, been closer to a mental breakdown. No, perhaps that's not right: there was that one time six year ago when I woke up in the morning and started to cry and couldn't stop and a friend who found I wasn't taking any calls left work early to come and straighten me out.

So this is why I don't post here any more. At least, this is my reason today. Nothing I think makes any sense. Saying it aloud doesn't impose any sense. Things just go round and round in my head and it's a big enough effort to go through each day as if everything were normal.

I really just want to lie low and hope that nothing and no one will know I'm there and some day I can find I've got off the seesaw for good.